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How to write better: learn about author intrusion and internalization in a fictional story.

A narrator is always telling a story, usually telling characters' views of the story world and the action. The narrator telling must be reasonable and credible for the story world; story enjoyment is interrupted by extraneous ideas or illogical descriptions not related to story moment.

The idea is to create fictional stories in prose by engaging the reader in the dream that is the fictional story. Awkward narration breaks the dream by interrupting the reader's attention and involvement in the story.

EXAMPLES. (N = narrator. A = author. I = internal)

*Scene told by a NARRATOR (outside story world but always telling of fictional story world).
--"What's wrong with your eye?" her boss said as she undressed in his bedroom. (N)
She'd had a knife wound. Multiple surgeries. She couldn't recognize faces four feet away without her contact lens. (N)
"You don't like it?" She was self conscious about his comment and she thought he was low-class rude to be asking. (N)
"Just strange," he said. What did she care? Men found her very attractive. Exotic even. That's what some said. (N)

*AUTHORS often degrade their styles and weaken their storytelling by inserting themselves in a scene.
--“What’s wrong with your eye,” her boss said as she undressed. (N)
She was well aware employers should avoid sexual encounters with employees. It’s harassment of the worst type. (A)
“Ugly?” she asked. (N)
“No. Not at all,” no he said. She gave him a dubious look but saw no concern on his face. (N)

*INTERNALIZATION is a stylistic way to deliver character thoughts directly. The prose is constructed as if it IS the thought of the character, not the narrator telling the thought. Internalization may or may not be italicized, and can enhance ease of reading and reader engagement.

--"What's wrong with your eye?" her boss said as she undressed in his bedroom. (N)
He's got no manners. And not too smart either. (I)
"It's all warped," he said.
"Ugly?"
"No, not ugly. I didn't mean that."
She began to put her clothes back on. She'd lost any attraction for him. (N)
"Don't go,” he said.
"Most guys find me exotic." (N) And one hell of a lay. (I)
"Look, I'll make it up to you." He reached out for her. (N)

FREE***DISCOVER DIFFERENT NARRATIVE TECHNIQUES in three story EXAMPLES***FREE

GATEMOUTH WILLIE BROWN ON GUITAR (3rd person)
READ 2074 words OR LISTEN free 16:20 minutes http://storyinliteraryfiction.com/original-stories…
DILEMMA (3rd person close)
READ: 619 words OR LISTEN free: 4:24minutes
http://storyinliteraryfiction.com/original-stories…
REDDOG (1st person: character is narrator)
In this story the narrator is the character, the real narrator is transparent. All the actions, ideas, and attributions are from the character. Note need for exposition and setting in the dialogue in this narration. And dialogue remains character specific, an important feature.
READ: 5388 words OR LISTEN free: 38:21 minutes
http://storyinliteraryfiction.com/original-stories…
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Posted 5 days ago

How to write better: learn about author intrusion and internalization in a fictional story.  

A narrator is always telling a story, usually telling characters views of the story world and the action.  The narrator telling must be reasonable and credible for the story world; story enjoyment is interrupted by extraneous ideas or illogical descriptions not related to story moment. 

The idea is to create fictional stories in prose by engaging the reader in the  dream that is the fictional story.  Awkward narration breaks the dream by interrupting the readers attention and involvement in the story. 

EXAMPLES.  (N = narrator.  A = author. I = internal)
 
*Scene told by a NARRATOR (outside story world but always telling of fictional story world).
 --Whats wrong with your eye? her boss said as she undressed in his bedroom. (N)
 Shed had a knife wound.  Multiple surgeries.  She couldnt recognize faces four feet away without her contact lens. (N)
 You dont like it?  She was self conscious about his comment and she thought he was low-class rude to be asking. (N)
 Just strange, he said.  What did she care?  Men found her very attractive.  Exotic even.  Thats what some said. (N)

*AUTHORS often degrade their styles and weaken their storytelling by inserting themselves in a scene. 
 --“What’s wrong with your eye,” her boss said as she undressed. (N)
 She was well aware employers should avoid sexual encounters with employees.  It’s harassment of the worst type. (A)
 “Ugly?” she asked.  (N) 
 “No.  Not at all,” no he said.  She gave him a dubious look but saw no concern on his face. (N) 

*INTERNALIZATION is a stylistic way to deliver character thoughts directly. The prose is constructed as if it IS the thought of the character, not the narrator telling the thought.  Internalization may or may not be italicized, and can enhance ease of reading and reader engagement.

 --Whats wrong with your eye? her boss said as she undressed in his bedroom. (N)
 Hes got no manners.  And not too smart either. (I)
 Its all warped, he said.
 Ugly?
 No, not ugly.  I didnt mean that.
 She began to put her clothes back on. Shed lost any attraction for him. (N) 
 Dont go,” he said.
 Most guys find me exotic.  (N)  And one hell of a lay. (I)
 Look, Ill make it up to you.  He reached out for her. (N)

FREE***DISCOVER DIFFERENT NARRATIVE TECHNIQUES  in three story EXAMPLES***FREE
 
GATEMOUTH WILLIE BROWN ON GUITAR (3rd person)
READ 2074 words OR LISTEN free 16:20 minutes http://www.storyinliteraryfiction.com/original-stories-william-h-coles/gatemouth-willie-brown-on-guitar/ 
DILEMMA (3rd person close)
READ: 619 words  OR LISTEN free: 4:24minutes
http://www.storyinliteraryfiction.com/original-stories-william-h-coles/dilemma/
REDDOG (1st person: character is narrator)
In this story the narrator is the character, the real narrator is transparent.  All the actions, ideas, and attributions are from the character.  Note need for exposition and setting in the dialogue in this narration. And dialogue remains character specific, an important feature.
READ: 5388 words OR LISTEN free: 38:21 minutes
http://www.storyinliteraryfiction.com/original-stories-william-h-coles/reddog-william-h-coles/

Drake Cathey, Shanice Jackson and 58 others like this

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De Light CarlsonLove it but you don't really talk about the person who is reading this, or do you? I read mysteries and I was a little leery on this trip when we stopped at the rest area on this trip. I really get into these books. Of course, right now I am into a glass of wine after a hard day back at work at the senior center. Love you

4 days ago   ·  1

Judy D'AquinoInteresting.

4 days ago   ·  1

Jo McDivittThank you~

3 days ago   ·  1

Craig TarreThis is great info for fledgling writers Lyn, as I've always dreamed of being a writer. Very helpful and informative. As for the illustration, all I know is that Willie Gatemouth Brown is not, nor has ever been a youthful white boy lol.

2 days ago   ·  2

Mary MorenoThank you for sharing

2 days ago   ·  1

Elizabeth LynnWonderful.

1 day ago   ·  1

Joann Beni-CornellI am trying to put my mind on narrating

14 hours ago   ·  1

Niya Tishan WhiteGreat lesson about narration! But here's a sobering thought: there are BESTSELLING BOOKS with those awful examples...

11 hours ago   ·  1

Jack Forrest.."story enjoyment is interrupted by extraneous ideas or illogical descriptions not related to story moment. " (!!!) i'll be printing that out for poster above desk....thanks.

4 hours ago   ·  1

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